This time of year let's consider inaction as possibly our best gay New Year's resolution. Let's get intimately acquainted with our fears, limitations. Let's get real while the 90% majority just get going.

HetAmerica is seized by action mania at this time of year.

They've got good reason to panic - 2.5 children @ $450,000 each; the costs of marriage & divorce; pursuing a commercially defined living standard.

We're odd person out - the 10%, the outsiders. Our traditional role can be to question, mock - and perhaps reinvent.

Yet this is difficult to do alone. Resolutions and resolve aren't sufficient. Just do it sometimes begs the question - and ignores who the doer is.

Many of us couldn't act if we had to. Battered by AIDS,buffeted by unpredictable discrimination, some of us are frozen by our fears. It shows up in hyperliquidity - cash accounts. We hesitate to invest in life in more ways than one.

Like many minorities we can be extremely conservative financially - gun shy of life's opportunities. Yet the truth is that we can often afford to take many more risks - and enjoy the resulting rewards - than people saddled with family responsibilities.

Gay life often isn't very gay in the financial and career arenas. Three times as many of us end up addicted. We're anxious, depressed - the lavender ceiling is very real.

Some of us grew up writing off financial stuff as straight stuff - what heterosexual parents argued about. Many parents have a "don't come to me with your problems" attitude to begin with - which got magnified with gay children.

Money issues can become identified with the wielders of power - hierarchies, authority that have hurt many of us. Since these are often the sources of substantial income that can block us from pursuing financial and career success.

Some of us defined being gay as being financially carefree.

Many of those could get away with that as long as they were in their 20s or 30s. But it backfires in later years.

A long-term battlefield mentality, being permanently onguard, can translate into a short-term perspective - and make long-term decisions remote and difficult.

Taking action can be premature for someone who's reinventing what relationship, friendship, and sex is all about. In the face of the daunting task of being gay in straight Amerika (or gay with HIV) it's not surprising many of us end up living along the banks of DeNial - rather than be overwhelmed.

And it's all to easy to retreat into one of our many sub-sub-cultures - and lose our sense of direction. Our many ghettos beckon and promise sex, love, acceptance, certainty - a world whose rules are clear and comforting. But we may get sidelined there - and wake up one day expelled because of age.

If we do come out we may not do very well with what's politely called structure. One convenient aspect of being straight is that many things are just laid out for you; you can fly on automatic much of the time - and stay flying. Reinventing one's life often results in much disorganization and little time for deep decisions.

All this is why it's especially important for gays to baby-step financial decision making. Step back to these fundamental barriers to action. Keep things very simple. Confront these basic problems before slapping on a veneer of borrowed solutions from advertisements in money magazines designed for straight lifestyles.

For us it may be more important to stay with life's questions rather than chase answers at this time of year.

• Of all the things I do, what gives me most satisfaction - in my personal life, in my work?
  
• What's the minimum it takes to keep my life going financially?
  
• Of the rest, how much satisfaction does it really give me?
  
• If it's true that gays have financial advantages when young and discrimination when older, do I need to provide more than what's customary for my later years?
  
• If new treatments for AIDS and other of life's serious illnesses mean living longer, what kind of life do I want oneyear from now? five years from now? ten years?
  
• What kind of psychological support do I need to confront the real financial problems in my life?
  
• If having none of the protections - and costs - of marriage means I'm essentially alone in my finances, what can I do with my lover and friends to at least encourage progress in my finances and career?
  
• How can I schedule out my many financial needs and dreams so that it's not all so overwhelming, so I can work my issues one at a time?
  
• What kind of knowledge, experience, and skill can I gradually develop in my financial life that I can end up feeling competent in that area?
  
• What financial advice is geared for straight people and either irrelevant or misleading for me? How can I get advice geared for living a gay lifestyle?
  
• How can I come out to those who would advise me or help me in my financial affairs so that they take my special needs and wants into account?