Most lesbians and gay men are unaware that without having written one, they have a will: one written for straight people by the State. And it will give all to the biological family, not the family of choice.

Some may think it smart to use formula software and forms. Much good self-help material available (a good resource is NOLO Press (1-800-992-NOLO)). However it is much wiser for gays to seek tailored legal counsel because of the unique requirements their relationships may present. Formula advice is treacherous for gays; they're devised with straight families in mind.

Sometimes wills seem to function like a lightning rods - drawing out homophobia that wasn't expressed during the person's lifetime. One way to fend this off is simply to keep writing wills, making small changes in each one. The Evil Family then has to fight each will. Another way around all this is a simple tool called the living trust. This is part of the legacy of AIDS tools. For gays this is a legal tool which suits many special needs before death.

For gays, a trust is much better than a power of attorney because total control of all assets is under the trustee. It can ensure control through temporary periods of varying competency and keep biofamilies from imposing guardianship. It assures confidentiality and keeps transfers out of the public record. Its cost pales in comparison to what lawyers can charge for probate - often a percentage of the estate - and eliminates the costs of a will contest. It can eliminate the many months delays involved in will probate. This is clearly a case where prevention pays.

Now where is this all largesse going to go? In a well planned financial life there comes a time to commemorate and endow those things we have come to value in our lives - especially if we are unconstrained by traditional notions of family. We're talking here about establishing a true legacy rather than simply passing whatever exists to the children to do with as they wish.

Gays have a chance to be more than ripples in the pond, to continue making a difference even after passing from the scene. If one's life has a point to it, some meaning, some value, it makes sense to express that in instruments of control & conveyance.

This is a time to respect oneself and what's being created in this laboratory called one's life so that some part of it lives on. That's called contribution. That's part of community building. That's also the ultimate self-respect, finally taking oneself seriously. Gays must face this task or face a fate worse than oblivion - seeing their assets flow to those who often despised them instead of to those people, organizations or values they came to love.

How to make this manifest, real, concrete? Draw up a list of what you have come to cherish, what has contributed to your own life. Rank these types of items in order of importance. Give each a percentage of the pie. Then in each area find specific people places, things, and values that manifest, carry out, exemplify, nurture and promote the things you have prioritized. They can be your true beneficiaries - in a will, in life insurance, or in a trust. If you may want to repeat or expand this exercise, turn to the field of values clarification to make concrete what you cherish inside.

What is wealth? The gay version can be a lifestyle practiced to perfection - and values made manifest by money, time and freedom of action. The straight version commonly is children; gays are challenged to create in a much wider sense of the word. The straight definition is often centered around just money; the gay rendition can be based as well on discretionary time. The straight version is usually focused around the legal family; for gays, the focus can be diffused between friendship and a family of choice.

The decision of what to pass on to whom depends very much on what we've created - and why. Without biological children, it's especially important that gays make a final statement with their lives through a legacy that contributes to those values, things and people who have truly helped them navigate their lives.